1 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,387 - No, you lied to me, Andy. 2 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,304 You pretended to be in this office for three months, 3 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,806 and you were sailing on your boat. 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,226 - I resent that. I never lied to you. 5 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,561 - Really? 6 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:23,273 "Hey, David, all is good in Scranton, PA." 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,859 - And all was good in Scranton, PA., that day. 8 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,694 - "By the way, Oscar says hi." 9 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,155 - Oscar says hi all the time. 10 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,115 He says all kinds of greetings-- 11 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,117 hi, hello, hola. 12 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,910 You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say hi? 13 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,912 - Andy-- - You're calling me a liar? 14 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,414 - Andy-- - By the way, that reminds me. 15 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,790 I want to ask you about some of the lies 16 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,667 you've been telling me lately. - Watch it, Andy. 17 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,836 - Oh, here we go. January 7, 2013. 18 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,671 "Hey, Andy, all's well. 19 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,548 Been meaning to make it down there, but my wife's sick." 20 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,091 Well, which is it? 21 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,135 Is all well, or is your wife sick? 22 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,054 Busted! - My wife? 23 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,599 - This has been a really tough time. 24 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:58,850 - Yeah? - Yeah. 25 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,602 - Has it? - Erin just dumped me, 26 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,062 and I can't remember 27 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,105 any of the "aha" moments I had on the boat, 28 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,690 and I know it sounds weird to say, 29 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,068 but I really miss my beard. - Shh. 30 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,277 - It was like a security blanket. 31 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,529 - Andy, shh. 32 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,450 I'm not gonna fire you. 33 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,703 - You're not? 34 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,955 - No. - That's awesome. 35 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,582 - I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. 36 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,752 So I owe you that. 37 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,880 - David, I'll be there for you. 38 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,591 These five words I swear to you. 39 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,885 When you breathe, I want to be the air for you. 40 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,137 I'll be there for you. 41 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,223 That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. 42 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,891 I want you to have it. 43 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,476 - We are even now. 44 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,894 Understand? 45 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,604 Got it? - Crystal. 46 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:48,024 - And you are on very-- hey. 47 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:48,983 Very thin ice. 48 00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,777 - Vanilla. 49 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,658 Vanilla ice. He was a band. 50 00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:02,163 {\an8}[cheerful music] 51 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:09,254 {\an8}? ? 52 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,655 - Good morning. - Good morning. 53 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:39,951 - And how are you on this fine d... 54 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:44,456 [weeps] 55 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,140 Okay. Ahem. 56 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,433 We ready? 57 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:06,519 {\an8}Don't use that part. 58 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,898 {\an8}Last week, Erin told me that our relationship 59 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:14,027 {\an8}will be proceeding without me. Ahem. 60 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,279 {\an8}Now I have to see her every day at work, 61 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:21,284 {\an8}which is brutal. 62 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,411 {\an8}When people say office relationships are a good idea, 63 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,997 {\an8}they never talk about what might happen if you break up. 64 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:30,085 {\an8}[moaning] 65 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:34,172 {\an8}[wailing] 66 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,008 {\an8}- He sounds like a wounded animal. 67 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,053 {\an8}- Should have put him out of his misery and just fired him. 68 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,014 {\an8}- I can't be around sad people. It makes me sad. 69 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,183 {\an8}- I'm the same way with horny people. 70 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,143 {\an8}- Okay. 71 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,979 {\an8}- [moaning] 72 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,692 {\an8}- Yes, Pete and I have started seeing each other, 73 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:54,859 {\an8}and Andy still doesn't know. 74 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,487 {\an8}We thought that keeping it secret 75 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323 {\an8}was more considerate to him. - [sobbing] 76 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,660 {\an8}And hot for us. 77 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,287 {\an8}I mean, I saw Pete's butt. 78 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,747 {\an8}It's sick. 79 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,837 {\an8}- Oh, that's mine. 80 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,839 {\an8}I'll just--I'll get it out of the way for you. 81 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,383 {\an8}- Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. 82 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,468 {\an8}It's with a real estate company, 83 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,262 {\an8}which is a great fit for me, 84 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,390 {\an8}because I live in a house, 85 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,642 {\an8}and I know what a bathroom is. 86 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,687 {\an8}I'm sorry. I am just very nervous, 87 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:34,399 {\an8}because, honestly, this is all moving a lot faster 88 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,818 {\an8}than I expected and--and because 89 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,989 {\an8}my r�sum� can fit on a Post-it note. 90 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,866 {\an8}- No, don't just let her eat the grass. 91 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,159 {\an8}She'll puke it right up. 92 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,952 {\an8}Okay, just put out two bowls 93 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,371 {\an8}and see which feed she prefers. 94 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,998 {\an8}I'm sorry to be taking up 95 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,750 {\an8}so much of your precious time, mose, 96 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,626 {\an8}but she's your aunt too. 97 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,421 {\an8}Fine. I'll see what I can do. 98 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,468 [coin dropping] 99 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,179 - I need you. - Dah! Dwight. 100 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,347 - And you should take breaks more often. 101 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,431 I've been waiting there for 45 minutes. 102 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,558 - What? What is it? 103 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,893 - It's my Aunt Shirley. 104 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,687 She's on her last legs. 105 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,731 - Dwight, that's awful. - You have no idea. 106 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:18,068 I mean, her hair, her clothes, it's all falling off 107 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,403 in great, big clumps. 108 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,822 And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. 109 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:23,990 We had a nurse, but she quit 110 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,993 because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley. 111 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,079 - What do you mean by "poison"? 112 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,038 - Probably nothing. 113 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,249 Or strychnine. 114 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,210 Or lemonade and strychnine, which is actually what it was. 115 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,170 - Okay, well, I'm very sorry about your aunt. 116 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,755 - Thank you. - But I don't see 117 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,215 how this is my problem. 118 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,759 - Angela, you owe me one. Remember? 119 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,552 Now, please. 120 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,179 She's an old woman, Angela. 121 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,514 She needs a woman's touch. 122 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,599 It's all hanging out... - Ugh. 123 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,601 - And there's parts of her I don't even recognize. 124 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,229 There's this one hanging part in particular 125 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,982 that's some sort of flap. - It's fine. 126 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,693 - It's like a prehensile wing or something. 127 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,611 I don't know, but it's-- - Oh, god. All right. 128 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,029 I can't--okay. 129 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,865 I'll help you. - There's a divot where it was, 130 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,659 and it needs-- it needs... 131 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,916 - Where are you going? 132 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,711 - Not on a three-month boat trip. 133 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:21,840 - Oh, burn. Ha. Uh, excuse me. 134 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,633 What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now? 135 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,261 - How dare you? 136 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,513 - I'm still the boss. 137 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,020 [inhales] 138 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,115 The answer is yes. 139 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,992 - I just have some messages for you. 140 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,618 - Are they from you? 141 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:51,703 - Well, no, they're from clients. 142 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,580 - Well, then I don't want them. 143 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,290 You can keep 'em. 144 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:59,544 In fact, you can keep that big, blue nautica sweater. 145 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,338 I know how much you love it. - I can't. 146 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,965 - No, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. 147 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,092 Some great memories tied up in that thing. 148 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,219 Remember that time that we worked together, 149 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,846 and you operated the arms, 150 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,723 and we sat in front of the mirror for, like, hours? 151 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,058 - I couldn't see anything. 152 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,810 - That was the best show ever. 153 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,145 - These are messages 154 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,688 from clients who want to buy paper. 155 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,482 - I don't want to talk about work right now. 156 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,442 - Well, I only want to talk about work right now. 157 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,444 - Then I want my big, blue sweater back. 158 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,072 - Well, I gave it to the Salvation Army. 159 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,953 - I've got this seat adjusted right... 160 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:36,081 - Perfect--yeah. - So I can put this... 161 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,709 - She got rid of it. 162 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,211 My blue sweater. 163 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,088 What is that about? 164 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:46,424 - I was just leaving. - Stay. 165 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,301 We are in the bro zone layer. 166 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,595 Okay, Nard Dog, Plop, and Clarker Posey, 167 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,097 AKA Clarkwork Orange. 168 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,601 Here's the sitch. Erin dumped me, natch, 169 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,727 but she got rid of my blue sweater, 170 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,896 which was her favorite. 171 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,606 Is she moving on a little fast, 172 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,735 or am I being a total psycho? 173 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,821 Plop, you go first. 174 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,906 - I don't know. Women do tend to move on 175 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,200 quicker than men. 176 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,869 - Survey says... [makes buzzer sound] 177 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,371 Doesn't make me feel better at all. 178 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,622 - Sorry. 179 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,165 - Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got? 180 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,291 - Well, look at it this way. 181 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,835 Being a bachelor is not all bad. 182 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,838 I mean, you got your freedom now. 183 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,132 - Last night I ordered a pizza by myself, 184 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,342 and I ate it over the sink like a rat. 185 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,218 - There you go. Good for you. 186 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,846 - No. 187 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:33,722 - You're just letting it all hang out. 188 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:36,266 That's what... 189 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,143 - It may not seem like it, but this really helped, 190 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,562 so thank you. - Cool. 191 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:48,028 I'll give you $100 to wear that sweater to work tomorrow. 192 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,830 - Aunt Shirley, hello, it's me, Dwight. 193 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,583 - Oh, looky here. It's Big City Dwight. 194 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,918 Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, 195 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,170 Big City Dwight. 196 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,421 - Hello, Aunt Shirley. 197 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,797 - Who's this little kitchen witch? 198 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,008 She's so tiny, like a little kitchen witch. 199 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:13,553 - This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes. 200 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,847 - New clothes? What for? 201 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,307 - Oh, dear god. Okay. - Oh. Oh, my god. 202 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:21,686 - You know what, before you put the new clothes on, 203 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,272 Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. 204 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:29,361 - Yes. How would you like a nice, warm bath? 205 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,612 - How would you like a mean, cold slap? 206 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,238 - Ow! 207 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,491 - Okay, Aunt Shirley, dear, 208 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,660 can I get you a nice, crisp liter of schnapps? 209 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,621 - I could do that. - Okay. 210 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,164 - No. No. - Yeah, trust me. 211 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,665 - No. - It keeps her docile. 212 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:47,629 Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. 213 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,464 - Step on it. 214 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,424 - Why doesn't Erin seem sad? 215 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,093 - [giggles] [phone chimes] 216 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:56,554 - Has she found someone new or something? 217 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,431 And if so, why hasn't she told me? 218 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:02,310 Is she trying to spare my feelings? 219 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:06,398 During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy, dark places. 220 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,910 - Andy, don't. 221 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,704 No good can come from snooping. 222 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:21,830 - I'm not snooping. 223 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,415 There's just some crud on her screen. 224 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,749 - You're clearly snooping. 225 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,084 - That's kind of uncool, man. - Andy. 226 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,877 - Aw, come on. - That's her private property. 227 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,754 - Boo! - Uh, hello? 228 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,007 Who's snooping on who now? 229 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,050 - What does that even mean? 230 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,218 - Everyone, just... - What's it say? 231 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,219 - Please stop. - Put it down. 232 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,221 - Come on, Andy. - Yeah, put it down. 233 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,515 - That's her private property. 234 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,183 - Oh, my god. 235 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,852 - See? - That's what nosy'll get you. 236 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,020 - Told you so. 237 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,647 - It just doesn't make any sense. 238 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,232 - Darryl, Clark, Kevin, Toby, Plop, 239 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,776 take a knee. 240 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:55,321 All right, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. 241 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,781 Couldn't shake this feeling 242 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,159 that Erin's dating someone, so I looked at her phone. 243 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,952 - Man, you can't do that stuff. 244 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,579 You'll only find pain. 245 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,414 When my ex-wife got into my email account, 246 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:05,331 she was devastated. 247 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,667 - Too late. 248 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,461 I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. 249 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,380 Does anybody know a Pete? 250 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,427 - Pete. - Hmm. 251 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,220 - Pete what? 252 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,889 - It just occurred to me that Andy 253 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,307 has been calling me Plop for so long, 254 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,394 he forgot my real name... which is Pete. 255 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,064 My name is Pete. 256 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,148 I'm gonna give him about six months 257 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,734 till he puts it together. 258 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,179 - Hello. 259 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,472 - Hey. There she is. 260 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,140 - [chuckles] 261 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,351 - How you doing? - Hi. 262 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,811 Hey, do I look okay? 263 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:08,895 - You look great. - Okay. 264 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,815 - Yeah. - What's that? 265 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,400 Is that a-- - Okay, I know 266 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,776 where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. 267 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,027 I'm a douche. 268 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,404 But look what I can do with my hands. 269 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,239 - [giggles] - Gotta go. 270 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,116 VIP just walked through the door. 271 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,159 - How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear. 272 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,286 - It's a phone. 273 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,706 - Yes, it is, and thank you so much 274 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,290 for setting up this opportunity. 275 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,417 I really appreciate it. - Of course. 276 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,626 Anything for Team Halpert. 277 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:32,877 You're gonna crush it, Pam. 278 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,212 - Thanks. 279 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,506 - You are gonna crush it. - Mm. 280 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,841 - Wow, I missed you. 281 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,259 - Wait, are you saying that into the phone, 282 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,802 or are you saying that to me? - Call you right back. 283 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,803 What were you saying? 284 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,388 - Ha-ha. 285 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,556 - Are you excited to be here? 286 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,807 - Yeah. 287 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,891 I mean, anything for Team Halpert. 288 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,476 - Okay. 289 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,478 - No, I'm excited to take in the sights of Philly. 290 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,313 I'm hoping to drink some "wa-der"-- 291 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,606 - Right? - down at the "li-berry" 292 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,108 on "Moon-day." - Okay. 293 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,484 You know your dad has the exact same accent, right? 294 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,028 - I know, but this is where it all began. 295 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,155 - Aw. - Hey, Jim. 296 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,406 We got Trent Edwards on the line. 297 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,782 - I've gotta go. - Okay. 298 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,243 - But you know what, Team Halpert, okay? 299 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,411 You're gonna crush it. 300 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,829 You're gonna smash it. 301 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,330 Okay. 302 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,708 Good luck. - Bye. 303 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,877 - God, she drank so much. 304 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,503 And so quickly. 305 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,132 - Mm. In her prime, Shirls could put away homemade schnapps 306 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:24,346 morning, noon, and night. - [coughs and laughs] 307 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,057 - Now all it takes is 1/2 liter. 308 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,017 She's dreaming. All right. 309 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,061 Let's get her out to the yard, so you can spray her down. 310 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,479 - Spray her down? 311 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,606 - No, it's a lot better than it sounds. 312 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,650 There's a private shower area, 313 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,195 very tasteful, very rustic. 314 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,657 - Hey. 315 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:49,120 - Come on in. Have a seat. 316 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,330 Uh, thanks for coming in. 317 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,667 I just got to get something off my chest. 318 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:58,546 I just got some really weird news, and, uh, 319 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,632 I'm just gonna come out and say it. 320 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,009 I just got off the phone with my doctor, 321 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:08,890 and turns out I contracted ch-lamydia from Erin. 322 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,101 And it's incurable. 323 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,770 Pretty lame, huh? 324 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,689 - Yeah. 325 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,034 You were gone... 326 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,078 - I knew it! 327 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,124 - For a long time, Andy. - You and Erin are f... 328 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,001 - Andy, just so you know, 329 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,293 there was no overlap. 330 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,462 - No overlap? Great. 331 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,672 Good. Wow. 332 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,382 This is suddenly so easy. 333 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,259 Guess what. You're fired. 334 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:45,260 - What? - Yeah. 335 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,679 You are fired. 336 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,556 One of the perks of being boss. 337 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,933 I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. 338 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,811 And, wow, that turns out to be you. 339 00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:56,062 Yup, sorry. 340 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,440 ? So you had a bad day ? - Andy. 341 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,942 - ? The camera don't lie ? - Andy. 342 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,403 - ? You're a big idiot, get out of my office ? 343 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,238 - Andy. - ? Turns out you're fired ? 344 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,491 ? Because you suck and you're fired ? 345 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,285 - If you want to talk to me... - ? You had a bad day ? 346 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,203 - I'll be in the annex, all right? 347 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,830 I'm gonna be in the annex. 348 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,832 - [scatting] - Toby. 349 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,501 - [scatting] - Toby. 350 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,253 - You can't fire Pete. 351 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:24,007 You understand why, right? - No. 352 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,260 - Andy, we had this exact same conversation 353 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,845 when you wanted to get rid of nellie. 354 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,640 You can't just get rid of people over grudges. 355 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,434 - Nellie was a professional grudge. 356 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,145 This is a purely personal grudge. 357 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:40,231 - All right, well, look, while I have you, 358 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,776 this is a relationship disclosure form 359 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,528 for Pete and Erin. 360 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,323 - They already have a contract? 361 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,204 "Mutually agree to..." 362 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,665 every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch. 363 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,626 - It's just boilerplate. You don't have to read it. 364 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,919 - Well, I'm not signing away my rights. 365 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,379 - I already signed it. 366 00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,799 I was just showing you. 367 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,467 - Okay, well, we'll see about that. 368 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,136 - Andy, that's not the original. 369 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:14,015 And destroying it will not stop them from dating. 370 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,684 Andy. 371 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:29,698 It's the original. 372 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,200 - ? If they're talking Chester Avenue ? 373 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,743 ? Talking triplex ? 374 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:34,994 ? Talking converting ? 375 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,663 Is that her? 376 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,123 Hey, guys. 377 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,207 Say something. I said-- - Hello. 378 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,543 - Hi, I'm Mark. - Hi. Pam. Hello. 379 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,586 - I'm the horrible boss around here, 380 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,840 but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. 381 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:50,468 ? Django ? 382 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,722 I don't agree with the use of the n-word in that movie. 383 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:54,848 It's too soon. 384 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,726 - I'm Pam Halpert. - Oh. Hi. 385 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,686 - They call me Marky Mark around here, 386 00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:00,937 because here at Simon Realty, 387 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,648 we are one funky bunch. 388 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:04,941 Come on, you guys. 389 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,485 Raise the roof when I say that. 390 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:10,905 What are you, all temps again today? 391 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,449 - Whew! Smells funky. 392 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,159 Somebody take a shower. 393 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,911 [whistles] Let's go, "Gangnam Style." 394 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,747 [laughs] He's heard "Gangnam Style." 395 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,248 He knows it. Right? 396 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,083 That's 'cause he's American. 397 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,002 This is Carl. 398 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,337 He's, uh, from here. 399 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:29,049 He's from... our neck of the woods. 400 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:32,093 But "Gangnam Style" is great, isn't it? 401 00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:35,263 - Oh, my god. He's Michael Scott. 402 00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,269 - [grunting] 403 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,312 - Time to get clean. 404 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,605 - It's hosin' time, Aunt Shirley. 405 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,898 Have a seat. 406 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:45,857 And you're gonna have a hard time hearing 407 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,734 over the roar of the hose. 408 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,402 - Do we have to do chains? - You'll see. 409 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,653 Here we go. - Get this show on the road. 410 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,031 - Let's do it. Ready? 411 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,241 Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off. 412 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,994 - Dwight, I can't do this. 413 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,287 - Okay, I understand. 414 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,622 If you feel uncomfortable with the box cutter, 415 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,749 the pressure from the hose is probably strong enough 416 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,709 to rip the clothes off of her body, so-- 417 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,877 - Dwight. - let's get to it. 418 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,420 Give it a whirl. - No, no. 419 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,381 Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down 420 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:10,715 like some animal. 421 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,842 - Stop your bellyachin' and hose me. 422 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,094 - I need you to hose my aunt. 423 00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,428 - No, Dwight, no. - OK, you are useless. 424 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,388 Give me the hose. - No, Dwight, I won't-- 425 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,263 - Give me the hose. 426 00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:21,601 Ahh! 427 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:25,021 Ahh! 428 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,358 - Oh, oh. 429 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:32,320 I am gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut 430 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,571 like a lady. 431 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,657 And you two are gonna shut up about it. 432 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,492 Do you have a bathtub? - Yes, ma'am. 433 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,077 - Good. 434 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,162 - This is not so much an office 435 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:44,708 as it is a rec room with a bunch of computers in it. 436 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,918 And frankly, if I had my way, 437 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,254 I'd toss the computers in the "gar-bahge," 438 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,297 but unfortunately, we use them 439 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,217 for practically everything we do, so... 440 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,760 that ain't gonna happen. 441 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,303 He's a temp. Don't worry about him. 442 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,723 Alice! 443 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:03,226 All right. Stay awake, okay? 444 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,769 This is Ms. Dimicucci. 445 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,896 She's in charge of the diversity committee. 446 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,607 So if you want to joint that, 447 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:13,069 I don't know if you're gonna be allowed in. 448 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,281 Exclusive group. Heh. 449 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,575 Yeah, I'm in real estate, yeah. 450 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,076 I mean, you ever see the movie "Glengarry Glen Ross"? 451 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,995 Well, I'm Ross. [chuckles] 452 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,288 I've never seen that movie, 453 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,914 and that's not how we do business. 454 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,249 I know the general gist. 455 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,043 We're on the up and up. 456 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,211 But it is exciting. 457 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,505 I mean, I don't know what you guys have been doing 458 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,716 following this lady around, 459 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,927 but this is the real estate game. 460 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,096 Look at that. Look at that. 461 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,515 You feel that energy? 462 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,894 They're coiled springs. 463 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,231 - Hey, Nelly. 464 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,775 Mm. 465 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:55,111 I am so sick of February. 466 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:59,324 It's the shortest month, but it sure doesn't feel that way. 467 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,784 We should catch up. 468 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,452 - Um-- 469 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,537 - You know, I've been going over my notes from the trial. 470 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,830 - Oh, no, Toby, no, no, no, no. - I feel like I may have 471 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,916 glossed over a few minor points. 472 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,044 - No, Toby, you cannot keep blathering on 473 00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:12,796 about this Scranton Strangler. 474 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,172 Do something about it. 475 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:15,757 Get it out of your system, whatever it takes. 476 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,008 - I'm drafting a letter. 477 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,718 - For two years. 478 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,595 Then what, another year picking out a stamp, 479 00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,347 another six months before you decide to lick it? 480 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:27,102 Just-- I don't want to hear it. 481 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,770 My Aunt Joan. 482 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,981 Oh, well, she--she worked here before I did, 483 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,858 so there's no nepotism involved. 484 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,444 In fact, to be honest with you, I'm probably a little harder 485 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:40,490 on her than I am on the rest of these people. 486 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,325 Can you not work on this? 487 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,285 Work on this month's. 488 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,789 Okay, Nana? 489 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,626 When I say chillax, people chillax. 490 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:52,627 Watch this. 491 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:56,756 Hey, Roger, chillax. 492 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,883 He must not have heard me. 493 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,636 - Ahh, I heard ya. 494 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:05,390 My best friends in this office are "Cut the Rope," 495 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,268 "Angry Birds," "Minesweeper." 496 00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:11,104 I'm still playing "Minesweeper." 497 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,857 But as far as human contact around here, 498 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,652 I, uh, do my best to avoid it. 499 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:20,196 Living the life. 500 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,242 - Step this way for the Spanish Inquisition. 501 00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:27,078 [chuckles] "Kids in the Hall." 502 00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:29,330 Just-- it's not high-pressure. 503 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,750 It's just a little [Brooklyn accent] cawfee talk. 504 00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:33,585 Okay? Like buttah. 505 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,878 Come on in here. 506 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:38,006 Mike Myers. - [mouthing] Oh, my god. 507 00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:47,432 - Thank you. 508 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,391 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 509 00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,976 Really appreciate it. 510 00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:52,354 You guys were supposed to have my back, okay? 511 00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:55,273 Instead, you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend. 512 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,317 - Hey, Boss, I did everything I could. 513 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,943 I invited Pete out for drinks. 514 00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,738 I emailed him shots of my junk. - Ugh. 515 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,115 - Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. 516 00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:06,451 - Darryl, you're my best bro here. 517 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:07,327 Where were you? 518 00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,953 - Sorry. 519 00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,455 Next time you sail around the Bahamas for three months 520 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,456 I'll do better. 521 00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,416 - Yeah, good. Think about it. 522 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:15,794 - Andy, if it's any consolation, 523 00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,921 Pete is a really cool guy. 524 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,547 I mean, right, everyone? 525 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,216 Really cool. 526 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:24,302 I mean, the guy is, like, Vince Vaughn cool. 527 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,888 - That's not consolation. 528 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,015 That's the opposite of consolation. 529 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:32,394 - Look I-- I didn't want to say anything, 530 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:33,937 but the musculature. 531 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,106 - Oh. - I mean, come on. 532 00:22:36,231 --> 00:22:38,650 People throw around the term chiseled a little too much 533 00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:41,277 for my taste, but Pete is chiseled. 534 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,738 - No one's throwing the word "chiseled" around. 535 00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,323 - Come on, Andy. They're a good match. 536 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,033 - That doesn't matter, okay? 537 00:22:47,117 --> 00:22:50,787 What matters is that I am hurt. 538 00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:54,082 Deep hurt inside of me. 539 00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:56,876 I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet. 540 00:22:56,918 --> 00:23:00,505 I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. 541 00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,173 Probably her boss. 542 00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,216 And guess what, 543 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,635 Juliet's boss also had feelings. 544 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,929 - Hey, Andy. - What? 545 00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,890 - You got a booger bubble going on there. 546 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,478 - Sorry. 547 00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:16,688 - That's okay. 548 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:19,441 - My whole life is a booger bubble. 549 00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,828 - Do you like comedy or music? 550 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:32,871 Pick one. 551 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:33,955 - Music. 552 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,373 - Mm. - Comedy. 553 00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:37,083 - I can do both. - Great. 554 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:39,919 - What if Mork met Borat? 555 00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:41,463 - [laughs] Yeah, that would be-- 556 00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:42,630 - Nanu nanu. 557 00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:44,090 I like-- 558 00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:45,258 - [laughs] 559 00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:47,802 - I've been to every improv in America. 560 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,013 Not when they're open, but I'll just go 561 00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:52,015 touch the door, you know. 562 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:56,102 And where there's comedians, let themselves in. 563 00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:59,397 Have you been to any stand-up comedy open-mic nights? 564 00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:01,232 - Um, gosh, I'm-- - It's a game. 565 00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,650 You have to know somebody. 566 00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:05,528 You have to be related to the person. 567 00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,739 - This is a tiny r�sum�. 568 00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:11,201 [inhales] Papa Smurf. 569 00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:14,162 Come back to the mushroom. 570 00:24:14,245 --> 00:24:15,288 - [chuckles] 571 00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:16,790 - From "The Smurfs" movie. - Yeah. 572 00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:19,876 I've seen that with my kids. It is tiny. 573 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:22,921 But what I did mentioned was-- - ? R�sum� ? 574 00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:27,842 ? R�sum� mucho ? 575 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:29,260 - [chuckles] 576 00:24:29,344 --> 00:24:30,804 I've actually been commissioned 577 00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,722 by the city of Scranton to paint a mural-- 578 00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:37,060 - What does this say here? [speaking gibberish] 579 00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:38,520 What language is this? 580 00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:40,438 Swahili? Oh, wait a second. 581 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:41,564 Now I can read it. 582 00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:43,316 - Oh, 'cause it was upside-down. 583 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,484 [laughs] 584 00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,319 - You're a good audience. 585 00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:47,696 - [laughs] So-- 586 00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:49,656 - Unlike some of these people around here. 587 00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:52,951 - Yeah. The city commissioned me to do-- 588 00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:55,286 - Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. 589 00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:58,998 But I like this r�sum� and here's why. 590 00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:03,044 It shows that you stick around. 591 00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:05,797 Yeah, you don't jump ship easily 592 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,842 like a lot of these people. [sighs] 593 00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:11,720 I mean, they-- they worship me, you know, 594 00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:16,182 but do they like me? 595 00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:20,353 I mean, do you think they like me, Pam? 596 00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:24,858 - Yes. 597 00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:26,401 - Sometimes I feel like I'm like-- 598 00:25:26,526 --> 00:25:28,862 did you see "The Odd Life of Timothy Green"? 599 00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:30,071 - Uh-huh, yes, I did. It's a great movie. 600 00:25:30,196 --> 00:25:32,282 - I feel like I'm like Timothy Green. 601 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:34,409 They expect me to do miracles. 602 00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,994 I can't do miracles. 603 00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:37,162 I can do magic. 604 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,247 - Oh, yeah? - I do close-up magic-- 605 00:25:39,372 --> 00:25:41,541 - Great. - at senior citizen's homes. 606 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:43,084 Charity. 607 00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:45,795 But mostly because their eyes don't work as quickly, 608 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,757 so, you know, they don't catch the movements as easily. 609 00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:50,842 It saves a lot of time on practicing. 610 00:25:50,925 --> 00:25:53,219 I don't have time for that. I've got to work. 611 00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:56,181 Whew, I've got a lot to do. 612 00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:57,849 Believe me, I've got stuff piled up. 613 00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:00,685 - What if Bob Dylan was your boss? 614 00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:02,645 I'm gonna do Dylan. 615 00:26:02,687 --> 00:26:05,857 [upbeat guitar music] 616 00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,984 ? Pam Halpert is my name ? 617 00:26:08,026 --> 00:26:11,529 ? I've been at Dunder Mifflin for... ? 618 00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:13,156 Seven years? Eight years. 619 00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,575 ? Eight years, man ? 620 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,660 ? Got the Dunder Mifflin blues ? 621 00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:19,704 ? Got the Pam Halpert blues ? 622 00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:22,415 ? Got Pratt-- went to Pratt Institute ? 623 00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:24,250 You have children? - Two children, yes. 624 00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:26,878 - And you do art and painting? - Mm-hmm. 625 00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:29,547 - Kind of the same thing. ? Kind of the same thing ? 626 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:32,217 ? Sometimes I repeat myself ? 627 00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:34,219 ? But that's just being Pam ? 628 00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:36,221 ? ? 629 00:26:36,304 --> 00:26:38,264 ? Well, I'm kinda cute ? 630 00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:43,103 ? And I'm... but I'm married, so... ? 631 00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:45,188 ? Leave that be ? 632 00:26:45,313 --> 00:26:48,149 What if Bruce Springsteen was your boss? Hey! 633 00:26:48,233 --> 00:26:50,360 Let's go! Whoo! 634 00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:54,280 - Hey, you got a sec to talk? 635 00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:55,699 - Kind of painful to chat with you Pete, 636 00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:58,576 ever since the ol' one-two punch to my scrotum hole, 637 00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:02,330 translation penis, translation my manhood. 638 00:27:02,372 --> 00:27:07,627 Yeah, look, I understand breakups are tough. 639 00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:09,379 You know, it happens to all of us 640 00:27:09,421 --> 00:27:11,881 at some point in life. 641 00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,800 But you gotta move on. 642 00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,888 - Great advice. 643 00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:20,557 Thank you. You can leave now. 644 00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:21,808 - Listen to him, Andy. 645 00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:23,143 He's trying to tell you something 646 00:27:23,268 --> 00:27:24,269 that you really need to hear. 647 00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:27,731 - Awesome perspective. 648 00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:29,024 Thanks for butting in. 649 00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,901 - Well, I've been where you are now. 650 00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:33,319 I dated this girl Alice, 651 00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:35,155 and it was an ugly breakup. 652 00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:36,740 She worked in a marketing agency 653 00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:38,366 right next to my house. 654 00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:39,951 I'd run into her every day, but I had to grow up 655 00:27:40,035 --> 00:27:40,910 and deal with it. 656 00:27:41,036 --> 00:27:43,246 And I did. 657 00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,789 We're even Facebook friends now. 658 00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:47,083 - See, we can all be friends. 659 00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:48,918 - Yeah. - Just get over it. 660 00:27:49,002 --> 00:27:50,462 It doesn't have to be awkward. 661 00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,630 - I do think we can have a fair-- 662 00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,758 - Yeah, so life gives you lemons. 663 00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:57,927 You've just got to eat 'em rinds and all. 664 00:27:58,053 --> 00:27:59,429 And if you don't want to eat 'em, your ex-girlfriend 665 00:27:59,554 --> 00:28:00,847 will shove them down her throat with the help 666 00:28:00,972 --> 00:28:02,891 of her hunky new boyfriend. 667 00:28:03,016 --> 00:28:04,559 So that's fun. 668 00:28:08,188 --> 00:28:09,564 - Nothing to see here. 669 00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:12,025 Boss at work. 670 00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,486 This will be your desk right up front, 671 00:28:14,569 --> 00:28:16,196 best seat on the roller coaster. 672 00:28:16,321 --> 00:28:19,699 You must be this tall to ride this ride. 673 00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:22,452 No pregnant women allowed. 674 00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:25,163 Are you--I don't-- I'm not allowed to ask, so-- 675 00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:26,373 - I am not preg-- - Are--you're not. 676 00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:28,416 - I am not pregnant, no. - I didn't ask her 677 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,626 if she was pregnant. 678 00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:30,919 She just offered. 679 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,172 The last three girls here all got pregnant. 680 00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,757 - Don't--don't-- - Wow. 681 00:28:35,799 --> 00:28:38,259 - Don't be afraid. It's a different chair. 682 00:28:38,343 --> 00:28:40,428 I don't want a guy up here. 683 00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:43,556 I want to, you know, see a woman come in 684 00:28:43,598 --> 00:28:45,892 and do a great job, something-- 685 00:28:45,934 --> 00:28:47,394 I have to look out this window. 686 00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:48,978 I don't want some-- - I'm sorry. 687 00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:50,980 I thought this job was for the position of office manager. 688 00:28:51,064 --> 00:28:52,190 - It is. 689 00:28:52,273 --> 00:28:54,484 Yeah, you'd manage this office. 690 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:58,029 You'd answer the phones and forward the calls and, 691 00:28:58,113 --> 00:28:59,989 you know, go for a coffee run now and again. 692 00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:02,784 - So kind of like a receptionist. 693 00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:04,577 - Yeah, like a receptionist, 694 00:29:04,619 --> 00:29:07,622 but we'd call you the office manager, 695 00:29:07,706 --> 00:29:12,419 because it's less demeaning. 696 00:29:12,502 --> 00:29:16,089 By the way, how long are these cameras 697 00:29:16,214 --> 00:29:17,465 gonna be following you around, 698 00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:21,177 because I think this is pretty cool. 699 00:29:21,302 --> 00:29:22,804 [whistles] 700 00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:24,764 Pretty, pretty cool. 701 00:29:24,931 --> 00:29:26,933 Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" 702 00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:28,476 Do you like that show? - Yes. 703 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:34,149 - Eh, a think they indulge themselves a little too much. 704 00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:35,650 I like scripted. 705 00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:36,985 Speaking of which, I wonder what it would be like 706 00:29:37,152 --> 00:29:39,404 if old Al Pacino met young Al Pacino. 707 00:29:39,571 --> 00:29:42,991 Hooah, look at you. 708 00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:44,993 You look good. 709 00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:46,536 Uh, thank you. 710 00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:48,705 Uh, who's this old guy? 711 00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:53,877 That's... Pacino. 712 00:29:53,918 --> 00:29:58,214 - I spent ten years as a receptionist to Michael Scott. 713 00:29:58,256 --> 00:30:02,552 And I have kids now. 714 00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:06,348 And I just--I can't. 715 00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:11,269 - Ow, the braid is too tight. 716 00:30:11,353 --> 00:30:13,355 - Hush. 717 00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:16,107 Loose braids reflect a loose character. 718 00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:18,026 Now stay still. 719 00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:20,612 - Yes, ma'am. 720 00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:24,616 - I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. 721 00:30:24,699 --> 00:30:25,700 - Okay. 722 00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:29,037 - There. 723 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,039 - Thank you, Angela. 724 00:30:32,415 --> 00:30:35,669 - I'm going to the prison this afternoon, 725 00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:37,379 gonna talk to The Strangler. 726 00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:39,297 - Probably best to use his real name 727 00:30:39,422 --> 00:30:40,799 rather than The Strangler. 728 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,885 - Don't use his real name. 729 00:30:43,968 --> 00:30:46,513 George Howard Skub. 730 00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:49,265 It's a devil name. 731 00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:50,892 - Just wanted to say I'm doing it. 732 00:30:50,934 --> 00:30:53,770 I'm going. 733 00:30:53,812 --> 00:30:56,064 - He's doing it. 734 00:30:57,357 --> 00:31:00,902 [phone buzzes] 735 00:31:01,027 --> 00:31:02,028 - Hey. 736 00:31:02,153 --> 00:31:03,571 - Hey, how'd the interview go? 737 00:31:03,738 --> 00:31:04,906 - Oh, my gosh. Wait until I tell you. 738 00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:08,243 This guy was unbelievable. Okay, so-- 739 00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:09,994 - I can't wait to hear about it later. 740 00:31:10,078 --> 00:31:11,746 Do you want to come in at 8:00? 741 00:31:11,871 --> 00:31:13,456 And don't eat, because I'm ordering in. 742 00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:15,041 - 8:00? Really? 743 00:31:15,125 --> 00:31:17,210 - I'll make it worth your while, I promise. 744 00:31:17,252 --> 00:31:19,587 - Sure. I mean, it's Philly. 745 00:31:19,629 --> 00:31:22,799 I can kill four hours, so yeah, I'll see you at 8:00. 746 00:31:22,882 --> 00:31:23,925 - All right, love you. 747 00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:25,343 - Love you. 748 00:31:31,683 --> 00:31:32,934 - Hi. - Hi. 749 00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,769 - I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants 750 00:31:34,853 --> 00:31:36,021 to meet with Andrew Bernard. 751 00:31:36,062 --> 00:31:38,398 - Oh, yes, the consultant. 752 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,566 Andy said you could start right away, 753 00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:40,984 so I will take you to your desk. 754 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:44,237 - Okay, great. Thanks. 755 00:31:44,404 --> 00:31:46,990 - Fresh meat. Fresh meat. 756 00:31:47,073 --> 00:31:48,825 - Just keep walking. Don't give her anything. 757 00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:50,285 She'll take it and run. 758 00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:52,078 I'm Erin, by the way. - Nice to meet you. 759 00:31:52,245 --> 00:31:53,705 Cute sweater. - Oh, thanks. 760 00:31:53,788 --> 00:31:55,999 - Your shoes match. - [indistinct]. 761 00:31:56,166 --> 00:31:57,125 - I'm Kevin. 762 00:32:02,130 --> 00:32:04,132 - Pete? 763 00:32:04,257 --> 00:32:06,301 - Alice. 764 00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:07,510 Oh, man. 765 00:32:07,635 --> 00:32:09,220 - It's been a while, huh? 766 00:32:09,262 --> 00:32:10,263 - Oh, do you two know each other? 767 00:32:10,347 --> 00:32:12,349 - Yeah, we have a history. 768 00:32:12,432 --> 00:32:13,892 - Oh. 769 00:32:14,059 --> 00:32:15,894 - History. Wow, okay. 770 00:32:16,061 --> 00:32:18,229 We date for two years. 771 00:32:18,396 --> 00:32:19,314 - That's so random. 772 00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:23,276 - Well, is it? 773 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:28,573 - Andy also hired a management consultant today. 774 00:32:28,656 --> 00:32:30,909 Oh, no. 775 00:32:37,290 --> 00:32:40,418 - Hey, Erin, look who's back, the Birdman. 776 00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:42,754 - Hello, beautiful. 777 00:32:42,837 --> 00:32:45,090 - Didn't you two used to do it? 778 00:32:45,215 --> 00:32:46,758 - We absolutely did. 779 00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:48,843 Thank you for remembering. 780 00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:52,222 - She's looking good. 781 00:32:52,389 --> 00:32:54,099 [chuckles] 782 00:32:57,811 --> 00:32:58,687 - Hi. 783 00:32:58,812 --> 00:33:00,188 Toby Flenderson. 784 00:33:00,355 --> 00:33:02,232 I'm here to see George Howard Skub. 785 00:33:02,273 --> 00:33:05,068 This is the prison. 786 00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:10,615 I am not going in there with expectations per se. 787 00:33:10,699 --> 00:33:12,534 I will meet George Howard Skub. 788 00:33:12,617 --> 00:33:16,162 I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. 789 00:33:16,246 --> 00:33:20,000 I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. 790 00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:22,419 I would understand if a friendship began. 791 00:33:22,544 --> 00:33:24,379 How did Bogart put it? 792 00:33:24,462 --> 00:33:29,801 I think this is the start of my first friendship. 793 00:33:29,926 --> 00:33:32,887 - So Pete was a librarian? 794 00:33:32,929 --> 00:33:35,056 - He worked as a librarian freshman year. 795 00:33:35,223 --> 00:33:36,808 - Was he, like, the sexy librarian? 796 00:33:36,891 --> 00:33:38,601 - Okay. 797 00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,353 - Did he have thick glasses, and he'd take them off 798 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,688 and just shake that hair loose, 799 00:33:41,855 --> 00:33:43,106 and you knew he was a secret slut? 800 00:33:43,189 --> 00:33:45,400 - That's none of your-- 801 00:33:45,483 --> 00:33:48,069 is there somebody who's in charge of marketing? 802 00:33:48,236 --> 00:33:51,781 Maybe I should sit near him or her. 803 00:33:51,906 --> 00:33:53,366 - Hi. - Hi. 804 00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:57,078 - Hi. How's it going? - Hi. Good. 805 00:33:57,162 --> 00:33:59,497 I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a-- 806 00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:02,584 - Wow, this sure is intense. 807 00:34:02,751 --> 00:34:04,419 And to share a workspace with someone 808 00:34:04,502 --> 00:34:06,504 you used to get it on with. 809 00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,715 - Andy, that is really inappropriate. 810 00:34:08,798 --> 00:34:10,258 - Awkward. 811 00:34:10,342 --> 00:34:11,426 - It is awkward. 812 00:34:11,593 --> 00:34:13,136 This is a really uncomfortable situation 813 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:14,888 that you've contrived. 814 00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:17,640 - Really uncomfortable situation. 815 00:34:17,766 --> 00:34:20,435 - Yeah. 816 00:34:20,477 --> 00:34:22,520 - It's all right, Pete. You can handle it. 817 00:34:22,604 --> 00:34:24,397 I mean, we all just gotta move on. 818 00:34:24,522 --> 00:34:28,193 Ain't that right, Professor Lecture Much. 819 00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,570 Question, how's that medicine taste? 820 00:34:30,653 --> 00:34:33,114 Your-own flavored? 821 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,700 Is it just me or have these tables turned? 822 00:34:38,036 --> 00:34:41,081 Hmm. 823 00:34:41,164 --> 00:34:46,628 Hmm. 824 00:34:46,753 --> 00:34:48,505 - So there's no marketing department. 825 00:34:48,546 --> 00:34:50,590 - No. - No. 826 00:34:50,715 --> 00:34:52,342 - You know, times were tough. 827 00:34:52,384 --> 00:34:53,426 I was unemployed. 828 00:34:53,468 --> 00:34:55,220 I was still heartbroken over you. 829 00:34:55,261 --> 00:34:56,846 I'd lost a good 50 pounds. 830 00:34:57,013 --> 00:35:01,226 But as you can, I've put all that weight right back on. 831 00:35:01,267 --> 00:35:03,311 Feel how fat my buttocks are. 832 00:35:03,395 --> 00:35:05,105 - Yeah, it's crazy. 833 00:35:05,230 --> 00:35:07,148 Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. 834 00:35:07,273 --> 00:35:09,275 - So Andy just called you up out of the blue? 835 00:35:09,359 --> 00:35:12,195 - Yeah, too bad you broke up. 836 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:13,780 - Yeah. 837 00:35:13,905 --> 00:35:14,989 - You must be pretty horny. 838 00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,664 - Well, the good news is, nobody lost conscious. 839 00:35:22,789 --> 00:35:25,125 At least you know he is The Strangler. 840 00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:27,252 The proof is in the grip. 841 00:35:27,335 --> 00:35:29,796 Did they say when the vocal chords would heal? 842 00:35:32,841 --> 00:35:35,552 One week? 843 00:35:35,635 --> 00:35:39,681 Okay, two weeks? 844 00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:41,850 Okay. 845 00:35:41,975 --> 00:35:43,727 You offered your neck, inserted the truth. 846 00:35:43,893 --> 00:35:45,603 [chuckles] 847 00:35:45,645 --> 00:35:46,813 The proud neck of justice. 848 00:35:46,896 --> 00:35:48,523 Isn't that the expression? No. 849 00:35:48,606 --> 00:35:51,192 Anyway, it was-- it was very brave. 850 00:35:55,405 --> 00:35:57,365 It really was quite brave. 851 00:36:01,411 --> 00:36:03,538 - I feel like a show pony. 852 00:36:03,621 --> 00:36:04,664 - And you look like one too. 853 00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:05,874 Thank you, Angela. 854 00:36:05,957 --> 00:36:08,209 - You're welcome. Would you like some stew? 855 00:36:08,293 --> 00:36:12,797 - By all means, and I will carve the roast skunk. 856 00:36:12,964 --> 00:36:16,134 Angela. - Mm-hmm. 857 00:36:16,259 --> 00:36:17,427 - Would you like the stink sack? 858 00:36:17,552 --> 00:36:18,762 - Is it any good? 859 00:36:18,845 --> 00:36:19,971 - No, you don't eat it. 860 00:36:20,013 --> 00:36:21,556 It's a toy, like a wishbone. 861 00:36:21,681 --> 00:36:23,600 You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. 862 00:36:23,767 --> 00:36:25,143 - Thank you. 863 00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:29,981 - So when's the wedding? 864 00:36:30,065 --> 00:36:34,110 - Um, actually, we are just friends. 865 00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:36,696 - That's what Mose said to his lady scarecrow, 866 00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:39,783 and look what he did to that poor thing. 867 00:36:39,866 --> 00:36:41,117 - Hello? 868 00:36:41,242 --> 00:36:43,119 - Hey, back here. 869 00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:45,914 - Ohh. 870 00:36:45,955 --> 00:36:47,290 Wow. 871 00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:48,958 Seriously? 872 00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:50,335 Oh, my gosh. 873 00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:51,252 Is that champagne? 874 00:36:51,378 --> 00:36:53,546 - S�, se�or. 875 00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:57,759 - Oh, Jim, I should have told you I didn't get the job. 876 00:36:57,842 --> 00:36:59,219 - Oh, man. I'm so sorry. 877 00:36:59,302 --> 00:37:00,345 Are you all right? 878 00:37:00,387 --> 00:37:02,055 - Oh, yeah, I'm more than all right. 879 00:37:02,222 --> 00:37:03,390 There's just nothing to celebrate. 880 00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:04,766 - Are you kidding? 881 00:37:04,808 --> 00:37:06,768 You're in Philly. We're having dinner together. 882 00:37:06,935 --> 00:37:09,270 And this is just consolation champagne. 883 00:37:09,354 --> 00:37:10,939 It's from the part of France that immediately gave up 884 00:37:11,022 --> 00:37:11,898 to the Nazis. 885 00:37:11,981 --> 00:37:13,191 - [laughs] 886 00:37:13,274 --> 00:37:14,984 You're very quick on your feet. 887 00:37:15,110 --> 00:37:16,611 I remember you. 888 00:37:16,736 --> 00:37:18,530 Funny. 889 00:37:18,613 --> 00:37:22,409 - All right, so tell me all about it. 890 00:37:26,538 --> 00:37:31,126 - Okay, well, gosh, thank you for your help today. 891 00:37:31,209 --> 00:37:33,795 Your perspective was very useful. 892 00:37:33,837 --> 00:37:35,255 Thank you. 893 00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:38,633 - It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. 894 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,856 - Dwight. Dwight. - Right, not outside. 895 00:37:52,939 --> 00:37:54,649 No more. 896 00:37:54,691 --> 00:37:56,985 You know what? My farm is only a few acres east of here, 897 00:37:57,110 --> 00:38:00,071 or we could use the slaughter house. 898 00:38:00,196 --> 00:38:02,657 - No, Dwight, the senator. 899 00:38:02,741 --> 00:38:03,992 - Leave him. 900 00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:06,202 He probably won't even notice that you're gone. 901 00:38:06,244 --> 00:38:08,329 Be with me, monkey. 902 00:38:08,413 --> 00:38:12,167 - I can't be your monkey, Dwight. 903 00:38:12,250 --> 00:38:16,171 I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. 904 00:38:16,296 --> 00:38:18,089 We have wasted too much of our lives 905 00:38:18,173 --> 00:38:22,135 ignoring the fact that we belong together. 906 00:38:22,218 --> 00:38:26,598 The 80 or 90 years that I have left in this life 907 00:38:26,639 --> 00:38:28,600 I want to spend with you. 908 00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:32,020 - I made a vow. 909 00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:35,106 I gave my world. 910 00:38:35,231 --> 00:38:38,860 - Stand by your man. 911 00:38:42,197 --> 00:38:45,867 That's what I would want if you were mine. 912 00:38:45,992 --> 00:38:46,951 - Good night, D. 913 00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:54,918 - How are you doing? 914 00:38:54,959 --> 00:38:56,044 Was it really rough? 915 00:38:56,169 --> 00:38:58,963 - So unpleasant. You? 916 00:38:59,089 --> 00:39:02,467 - Hey, love turds, conference room now. 917 00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:07,806 Thank you all for coming in. 918 00:39:07,847 --> 00:39:09,432 Just wanted to check in. 919 00:39:09,557 --> 00:39:12,435 How was everyone's day? 920 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:13,812 - [sighs] 921 00:39:13,937 --> 00:39:16,439 Honestly, it was a little weird. 922 00:39:16,564 --> 00:39:19,317 - Really? 923 00:39:19,401 --> 00:39:23,154 Hmm, that's interesting, because Erin and Pete 924 00:39:23,238 --> 00:39:25,240 thought it wouldn't be weird at all. 925 00:39:25,365 --> 00:39:27,117 Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? 926 00:39:27,242 --> 00:39:30,578 Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? 927 00:39:30,662 --> 00:39:32,622 - I still wear Erin's button-downs 928 00:39:32,664 --> 00:39:35,125 around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like 929 00:39:35,208 --> 00:39:36,167 we're still in a relationship. 930 00:39:36,251 --> 00:39:37,877 - Gabe. 931 00:39:37,961 --> 00:39:40,171 Ohh. 932 00:39:40,296 --> 00:39:42,173 - And, Alice, I understand 933 00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:45,010 you once dumped Pete. Ouch. 934 00:39:45,093 --> 00:39:47,345 - It was an amicable breakup, Andy. 935 00:39:47,429 --> 00:39:49,556 - Okay, while we're rewriting history, 936 00:39:49,597 --> 00:39:50,807 you never had a drinking problem. 937 00:39:50,932 --> 00:39:52,100 - It was college. 938 00:39:52,183 --> 00:39:54,227 That is what you do. 939 00:39:54,352 --> 00:39:56,479 - Yeah, you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. 940 00:39:56,563 --> 00:39:58,940 - Hey, Andy, is this at all work-related? 941 00:39:59,024 --> 00:40:00,400 - We'll get to that. 942 00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:03,361 Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? 943 00:40:03,445 --> 00:40:07,198 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 944 00:40:07,282 --> 00:40:08,616 She wouldn't even let me say it. 945 00:40:08,742 --> 00:40:09,993 It was adorable. 946 00:40:10,118 --> 00:40:11,411 She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out. 947 00:40:11,536 --> 00:40:12,704 - Gabe, can you stop talking? 948 00:40:12,787 --> 00:40:14,581 Because every word out of your mouth 949 00:40:14,664 --> 00:40:17,042 is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. 950 00:40:17,083 --> 00:40:18,752 - I got a tattoo for you. 951 00:40:18,835 --> 00:40:20,962 - I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh. 952 00:40:21,046 --> 00:40:22,630 Nobody did. You did that for you. 953 00:40:22,714 --> 00:40:25,050 - Just do it. 954 00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:27,635 You were the it that I was just doing. 955 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,220 - So you're dating a secretary now? 956 00:40:29,262 --> 00:40:31,014 Blowin' up in the world, Pete. 957 00:40:31,056 --> 00:40:32,891 - She's nice to me. 958 00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:34,809 - How's that P.E. degree coming? 959 00:40:34,893 --> 00:40:36,186 That's what he wanted to be. 960 00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,562 His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. 961 00:40:37,687 --> 00:40:38,563 - Well, guess what. 962 00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:40,106 He could still be a gym teacher. 963 00:40:40,148 --> 00:40:41,733 In fact, we could all still be gym teachers. 964 00:40:41,775 --> 00:40:43,777 So let's-- - I technically cannot. 965 00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:45,487 I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. 966 00:40:45,612 --> 00:40:47,322 - Oh, my god. 967 00:40:49,699 --> 00:40:52,911 - What kind of music are you into, Peter? 968 00:40:52,952 --> 00:40:54,329 - I like all kinds of music, Gabe. 969 00:40:54,412 --> 00:40:56,414 - Really, all kinds? 970 00:40:56,456 --> 00:40:57,791 So you'd like "Songs of Hate" 971 00:40:57,916 --> 00:40:59,668 written by the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan? 972 00:40:59,793 --> 00:41:00,835 - No. 973 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:01,836 - Erin, are you even hearing this? 974 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,004 - Gabe, he didn't even say that. 975 00:41:03,129 --> 00:41:04,214 - He's not a very sophisticated man. 976 00:41:04,297 --> 00:41:06,091 I mean, he can't use chopsticks, so do I need 977 00:41:06,132 --> 00:41:07,634 to say anything else? 978 00:41:07,717 --> 00:41:10,178 - Erin, I've been to Japan. 979 00:41:10,303 --> 00:41:12,347 I know how to use chopsticks so well. 980 00:41:12,389 --> 00:41:14,766 Come back. 981 00:41:14,808 --> 00:41:16,393 One night. - Gabe, I don't-- 982 00:41:16,476 --> 00:41:17,686 - Give me one night with you. - What is that supposed to be? 983 00:41:17,727 --> 00:41:19,312 - I've shaved everything. - I don't want you to shave-- 984 00:41:19,396 --> 00:41:21,064 - I wasted two years of my life on you. 985 00:41:21,147 --> 00:41:22,607 You realize that, right? - I just want to be 986 00:41:22,691 --> 00:41:25,151 real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. 987 00:41:25,193 --> 00:41:27,696 - I am as smooth as a porpoise for you. 988 00:41:27,779 --> 00:41:28,863 - Why did you say at the beginning, 989 00:41:28,947 --> 00:41:29,864 "This is really going that well." 990 00:41:29,948 --> 00:41:33,284 [all shouting indistinctly] 991 00:41:33,410 --> 00:41:36,913 - All right, all right, yes, that is a legitimate question. 992 00:41:37,038 --> 00:41:41,042 Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? 993 00:41:41,167 --> 00:41:43,044 Yeah. 994 00:41:43,169 --> 00:41:46,423 Yeah, it does. 995 00:41:46,548 --> 00:41:48,967 - So imagine, like, the real estate version 996 00:41:49,092 --> 00:41:51,511 of Michael Scott, and that was this guy. 997 00:41:51,636 --> 00:41:53,555 He did half the interview as Ace Ventura. 998 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,473 - Tell me about the cologne. How much? 999 00:41:55,557 --> 00:41:57,642 - Oh, entire bottle at least, and-- 1000 00:41:57,726 --> 00:41:59,019 - You're definitely affording this. 1001 00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:00,729 - Wait, guess-- guess what poster 1002 00:42:00,812 --> 00:42:03,231 he had on his wall. 1003 00:42:03,314 --> 00:42:04,649 - "Austin Powers." - Mm-mm. 1004 00:42:04,691 --> 00:42:05,984 - "Ferris Bueller." - Mm-mm. 1005 00:42:06,026 --> 00:42:07,652 You're getting colder. 1006 00:42:07,694 --> 00:42:09,154 - Not "Night at the Roxbury." 1007 00:42:09,237 --> 00:42:11,781 - No. [laughs] 1008 00:42:11,823 --> 00:42:13,825 "The Odd Life of Timothy Green." 1009 00:42:13,950 --> 00:42:15,577 - [chuckles] I'm sorry. 1010 00:42:15,660 --> 00:42:17,620 How did you think I was expected to guess that? 1011 00:42:17,746 --> 00:42:19,456 - I don't know, but it's interesting, right? 1012 00:42:19,539 --> 00:42:21,750 - It's fascinating. - He said he can't help 1013 00:42:21,833 --> 00:42:22,917 tear up when he looks at it. 1014 00:42:23,043 --> 00:42:24,044 It's, like, right next to his desk. 1015 00:42:24,169 --> 00:42:25,962 He must look at it, like, 20 times a day. 1016 00:42:26,087 --> 00:42:28,048 - That's amazing. 1017 00:42:28,089 --> 00:42:29,424 Well, listen, you can't win 'em all, right? 1018 00:42:29,507 --> 00:42:31,134 - Mm-hmm. - So the next interview 1019 00:42:31,259 --> 00:42:34,304 has to be better. 1020 00:42:34,429 --> 00:42:35,430 - I don't know. 1021 00:42:35,513 --> 00:42:37,432 - What do you mean? 1022 00:42:37,515 --> 00:42:40,894 Of course it will. You're amazing. 1023 00:42:40,977 --> 00:42:43,229 - I know, it's just even if it was a great boss 1024 00:42:43,313 --> 00:42:48,234 and a great job, I just-- I don't know if I want-- 1025 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,903 I don't know if I want this. 1026 00:42:55,909 --> 00:42:57,202 - Huh. 1027 00:43:01,748 --> 00:43:03,792 This is a little out of left field. 1028 00:43:03,917 --> 00:43:06,461 - Is it? 1029 00:43:06,586 --> 00:43:09,631 Is it? 1030 00:43:11,591 --> 00:43:14,302 I just--I-- I liked our life in Scranton. 1031 00:43:17,806 --> 00:43:21,142 - And I've started a business in Philadelphia. 1032 00:43:35,573 --> 00:43:38,118 - This was what my grandfather knew. 1033 00:43:38,159 --> 00:43:40,787 "Mahjong" will be here to stay. 1034 00:43:40,912 --> 00:43:43,790 - "Hobbies of the East" continues in a moment. 1035 00:43:47,419 --> 00:43:50,130 - [clears throat] 1036 00:43:50,213 --> 00:43:51,673 You could all be doing this. 1037 00:43:51,756 --> 00:43:53,299 Just saying. 1038 00:43:53,341 --> 00:43:54,718 I watch way too many ads online, 1039 00:43:54,801 --> 00:43:57,137 and I don't do enough sit-ups. 1040 00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:58,763 So I bought these. 1041 00:43:58,888 --> 00:44:00,974 Now every time an ad pops up online, 1042 00:44:01,016 --> 00:44:03,393 I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. 1043 00:44:03,476 --> 00:44:05,645 I call is ads for abs. 1044 00:44:05,729 --> 00:44:08,940 Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online. 1045 00:44:09,065 --> 00:44:11,234 - Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? 1046 00:44:11,276 --> 00:44:13,862 - I'll tell you why. 1047 00:44:13,987 --> 00:44:19,242 Because... the floor... 1048 00:44:19,284 --> 00:44:22,996 is... disgusting. 1049 00:44:23,079 --> 00:44:27,417 [grunting] 1050 00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:32,922 Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out. 1051 00:44:32,964 --> 00:44:34,507 That's how you win. 1052 00:44:34,632 --> 00:44:37,427 Okay, all right. 1053 00:44:37,510 --> 00:44:40,764 Okay, Kevin, a little help, buddy? 1054 00:44:40,805 --> 00:44:45,143 - Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? 1055 00:44:45,185 --> 00:44:47,771 - Can someone please help me? 1056 00:44:47,896 --> 00:44:49,022 - Oh, these teas are hot. 1057 00:44:49,105 --> 00:44:52,609 Can someone help me, please? 1058 00:44:52,692 --> 00:44:53,777 Thanks. 1059 00:44:53,818 --> 00:44:57,030 Thank you. - Just-- 1060 00:44:57,155 --> 00:44:59,657 just--people, 1061 00:44:59,741 --> 00:45:01,242 I'm not going anywhere. 1062 00:45:01,326 --> 00:45:03,787 Soon my core will get strong again, 1063 00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:06,748 and when that happens, I'll be able-- 1064 00:45:06,790 --> 00:45:07,791 head rush. 1065 00:45:07,874 --> 00:45:10,919 Augh! 1066 00:45:11,002 --> 00:45:12,587 Can someone please help me? 1067 00:45:12,629 --> 00:45:14,339 I-- hey. 1068 00:45:14,381 --> 00:45:16,466 I'm not going anywhere. 1069 00:45:16,508 --> 00:45:18,802 I'll be right here. 1070 00:45:18,843 --> 00:45:20,804 Oh, that's not good. 1071 00:45:20,845 --> 00:45:23,223 Hey, guys, I've got 20 bucks for anyone who will help me. 1072 00:45:23,264 --> 00:45:24,766 Kevin, would you like a pizza? 1073 00:45:24,816 --> 00:45:29,366 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0